Porsche pulls Airbus A380 – but is it really that impressive?
After years of scaling the lesser peaks, and the supercar equivalent of third fiddle behind Ferrari and Lamborghini, Porsche has finally Sir Edmund Hillary-ed itself all the way to the summit of Mt Irrelevance.
So, in headline news, Porsche Cayenne S diesel tows big plane 30.48 metres in France (that’s 100 feet if you don’t subscribe to metrification) – A Guinness World record-breaking performance. Everything else about achievement is of course little more than a visually compelling bullshit croissant.
To highlight the true commitment to irrelevance at the core of the Porsche brand, and to help you forget Porsche is embroiled in the dieselgate scandal too, and to pump up diesel’s tyres generally so you don’t think too hard about the impending diesel ban in major European cities, and what that might do to your resale value, Porsche in Pommyland recently decided to do something outrageously out of touch with its hastily trumped up Volkswagen Touareg.
The escargot-scoffing, cabernet-quaffing dudes at Airbus were conscripted and provided access to the mighty A380, half a billion Aussie dollars worth, thank you very much. This aircraft weighs as much as 575 tonnes ready to turn and burn for takeoff, but they supplied it gastric-banded and stripped out, almost 300 tonnes lighter than that. A shadow of its fully-loaded self.
This event was of course conducted well away from any public scrutiny, so that if the Cayenne made poopy in its trousers, they could just bury the whole exercise and pretend it never happened. Just like the envisaged dieselgate massage, only hopefully, with a happier ending.
So – after much fanfare and some dramatic music, the hastily rebadged Q7 managed to tow the Atkins diet Airbus about halfway out of the hangar, without suffering the auto transmission equivalent of a suicide bomb attack in Fallujah.
This report looks beyond the pretty pictures and details why it’s not really that much of an impressive achievement.