Porsche pulls Airbus A380 – but is it really that impressive?

After years of scaling the lesser peaks, and the supercar equivalent of third fiddle behind Ferrari and Lamborghini, Porsche has finally Sir Edmund Hillary-ed itself all the way to the summit of Mt Irrelevance.

Yes!

So, in headline news, Porsche Cayenne S diesel tows big plane 30.48 metres in France (that’s 100 feet if you don’t subscribe to metrification) – A Guinness World record-breaking performance. Everything else about achievement is of course little more than a visually compelling bullshit croissant.

To highlight the true commitment to irrelevance at the core of the Porsche brand, and to help you forget Porsche is embroiled in the dieselgate scandal too, and to pump up diesel’s tyres generally so you don’t think too hard about the impending diesel ban in major European cities, and what that might do to your resale value, Porsche in Pommyland recently decided to do something outrageously out of touch with its hastily trumped up Volkswagen Touareg.

The escargot-scoffing, cabernet-quaffing dudes at Airbus were conscripted and provided access to the mighty A380, half a billion Aussie dollars worth, thank you very much. This aircraft weighs as much as 575 tonnes ready to turn and burn for takeoff, but they supplied it gastric-banded and stripped out, almost 300 tonnes lighter than that. A shadow of its fully-loaded self.

This event was of course conducted well away from any public scrutiny, so that if the Cayenne made poopy in its trousers, they could just bury the whole exercise and pretend it never happened. Just like the envisaged dieselgate massage, only hopefully, with a happier ending.

So – after much fanfare and some dramatic music, the hastily rebadged Q7 managed to tow the Atkins diet Airbus about halfway out of the hangar, without suffering the auto transmission equivalent of a suicide bomb attack in Fallujah.

This report looks beyond the pretty pictures and details why it’s not really that much of an impressive achievement.

24 COMMENTS

  1. Should I be impressed? Toyota with a Hilux has pulled an Boeing before, plus the Tundra has pulled the Space Shuttle Endeavour…

  2. Please put this in a dick of the week segment. I just want to hear you read this like it's an angry taka-takista.

    Realise that the Porsche is only supplying the THRUST, i.e. POWER to cause the aircraft to move. This video (the one Cadogan made) is totally justified, in part as a utilisation of reasonable free expression, and in part as a breakdown of the bullshit that the advert is.

    If the A380 has an LRR landing gear, it should be pretty easy to get under-way if you have a few thousand N*m of tractive effort. I could probably do this stunt with my auto-transmission Ford F-150 and a fully loaded 747, if the former was appropriately strengthened.

  3. Yes, the BS of ads. Subjected to it every day, though I think I am pretty immune to it nowadays. Best thing to do here then is …. borrow the same Porsche and do it in front of the TV… Perhaps the "Mythbuster" guys could take this one on?? Not that I really care, but might also be some light entertainment for a few minutes. 🙂

  4. I bet they got lots of money for spinning their lies and delusions to the public Barstads especially my fellow Brit git driver of mighty Porsche I'd rather see 911 do it come on you German scum

  5. You did not even take the weight of the towbar in account. It looks quit heavy and further loads the wheels.
    I agree: total irrelevant bullshit.

  6. Ho hum big fucking deal, it really ISN'T that impressive , the Aircraft tyres are rock hard so rolling resistance is minimal and once it is moving it is easy to maintain the movement. What the car is IS totally irrelevant , the ability to get the torque through the Transmission and to the tyres having traction makes me wonder just how much weight they added to the Cheyenne to maintain traction

    The transmission is the key , I'd LOVE to see them do this with a Manual 🙂

    It would be like towing an decent sized Caravan pure and simple

  7. ha i love how these video are meant to inform you of not just bullshit. but also to help complete idiots realize how the trick works

  8. Instead of saying all that, you could have simply said the normal tow vehicle they use to pull that plane has far less power than that car and pulls the plane just fine so whats the big deal here

  9. If there is a torque converter then I have no clue why this would not have worked. xD
    I was not so surprised either seeing the Porsche Cayenne pulling a plane.

  10. Brilliant John. Great analysis as always. Unfortunately, the very essence of this exercise validates the singular intent of great marketing… to pull the wool over the masses. A once great engineering company relegated to a division of VW – 'nough said! Keep up the great content!

  11. john i think you would only have to have done high school physics or higher level math to work this out. uni education would have excessive redundancy

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