One of the beautiful things about living in the future is that we can all take time to update our lists of things people do that really piss us off.
Some annoying things are timeless – loud chewers, people who make a piercing hiss when they pronounce their ‘s’ sounds, dumb laughs.
Some annoying things occur mostly in the last few centuries – bad drivers, pushy customers, people who drop French phrases into conversations with people who don’t speak French.
And in previous decades the list has grown further. Let’s not get anyone started on bluetooth headsets, or Facebook comment sections.
But yesterday I was filled with rage from by strikingly modern annoyance. I was taking a solitary stroll on the beach with a stunning sunset overhead, when, coming from above, I heard the most annoying whine I have ever encountered.
Ladies and gentlemen – it was a drone.
Some person, whether intentionally or not, had committed themselves to turning me into a seething mass of boiling rage as I was accosted from on high by an unholy buzz. Never have I wanted to see a piece of electronic equipment fall into the ocean as badly as I wanted to see this drone drown. Never, and I mean never, have I desired more the ownership of a top-quality tennis racket, and the ability to produce it at will. Maybe also a stunning jump serve.
Not only was the noise supremely irritating, not only was there the added discomfort of being followed by an anonymous flying camera – it is completely certain that the owner of said drone was never going to review that footage.
“Honey! Come look at the 15 minute video of a sunset I took 5 years ago!” is not a sentence that has ever left the mouth of a well-adjusted human being.
My sunset walk was being ruined for nothing.
So, in anticipation of the list of future complaints – people who talk loudly and importantly into their implanted wrist phones, people who still somehow manage to drive their autonomous cars like utter douchebags, people on hoverboards who push old ladies off the pavements – I humbly submit the common drone.
Brb. Off to patent a selfie stick with an extendable tennis racket.